PIE - Politically Incorrect Editorials

Friday, February 11, 2005

Return of the PornBots

There I was, minding my own business. I had "Say my Name" by Destiny's Child going on the CD, and whammo, my yahoo chat box opens up. Anyway, here's what transpired.

objectivist_philosophy (5:59:33 PM): uh, yeah?
dahrkhole (5:59:40 PM): ooh your there hi...
objectivist_philosophy (5:59:53 PM): hi there, can I help you?
dahrkhole (6:00:01 PM): a/s/l (age sex llocation)?
objectivist_philosophy (6:00:12 PM): do I know you?
dahrkhole (6:00:28 PM): im 27/f/USA. was lookin qt your profile. thought you might like to chat.
objectivist_philosophy (6:00:45 PM): which profile?
dahrkhole (6:00:55 PM): so what have you bren up to objectivist_philosophy?
objectivist_philosophy (6:00:12 PM): I'm kinda sick today, but lately, I've been hunting down people that write bots for yahoo chat, and doing terrible damage to them with a waffle iron.
dahrkhole (6:01:13 PM): cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. i eas getting kinda horny (*blushes)
objectivist_philosophy (6:01:14 PM): I think there's a pill for that now
dahrkhole (6:01:28 PM): feel like a little cyber fun with me ? pleasee please...
objectivist_philosophy (6:01:28 PM): I'm not really interested, but if you have any thera-flu, I'd love a cup of that
dahrkhole (6:01:49 PM): alright how bout i get down on my knees in front of you and help you out of your pants?
objectivist_philosophy (6:01:51 PM): unless there's a bottle of excederin under my desk, you should probably get up now.
dahrkhole (6:02:07 PM): tell me what you want me to do with you while i slip out of my panties
objectivist_philosophy (6:02:25 PM): can you get me some chicken soup?
dahrkhole (6:02:49 PM): wqs just browsing the yahoo profile thing. looked like you might be an interesting person to chat with.
objectivist_philosophy (6:03:16 PM): oh, I appreciate the thought, but like I said, I'm feeling under the weather
dahrkhole (6:03:37 PM): oh yeah babe.. dont stpp. while i slide my hand down between my legs and part my moist lips
objectivist_philosophy (6:03:56 PM): oh my goodness, that doesn't look like chicken soup.
dahrkhole (6:04:31 PM): oh it feels so good. Im holding your pulsing manhood in my hand, my shiny red fingernails dig gently into your balls, while my full, soft lips...
objectivist_philosophy (6:04:56 PM): yeah, yeah, that's fantastic, can I have my soup now?

End of conversation

fun_chik2001 (12:21:53 AM): ooh your there hi...
objectivist_philosophy (12:21:56 AM): hello, pornbot
fun_chik2001 (12:22:01 AM): a/s/l (age sex location)?
objectivist_philosophy (12:22:05 AM): 40/m/in your backyard watching you through the scope on my SKS.
fun_chik2001 (12:22:21 AM): im 27/f/USA. wwas lookin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.
objectivist_philosophy (12:22:28 AM): you can see me???
fun_chik2001 (12:22:35 AM): so what have you been up to objectivist_pphilosophy?
objectivist_philosophy (12:22:50 AM): well, until you interupted me, I was torturing the neighborhood kids with a barbeque fork and a taser
fun_chik2001 (12:23:01 AM): cool. i wa just hangin out watching tv. i was getting kinda horny (*blushes)
objectivist_philosophy (12:23:10 AM): I think you can cure that with electro-shock therapy
fun_chik2001 (12:23:15 AM): feel like a little cyger fun with me ? please please...
objectivist_philosophy (12:23:21 AM): I can't do electro-shock from this distance, but if you wanna come over, I'll be happy to help

End of conversation

So, to make a long story short, I HATE pornbots. I freaking HATE them. Here we have the most advanced communication system in the world. A person can literally send an email to almost any other person in the developed world, and have an answer back in 2 minutes. But, of course,some retard has just got to use it to sell porn.

Let me get one thing out front here. If you are gonna write one of these stupid ass things, please... PLEASE, give it a phrase recognition engine. These bots actually said cool when I said I was torturing neighbor kids.

The thing that annoys me the most is that somewhere, someone actually buys into this stuff, otherwise, there'd be no market, and all pornbots (and their writers... well especially the writers) would die a slow and preferably painful death.

Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem with porn. If that's what you like, feel free to use it and enjoy it as much as you want. But DAMMIT, quit interupting me with this crap when I'm trying to download "Debbie Does Dallas".


  • Man, your tirade on the pornbots was damn funny. Made me laugh out loud.

    Oh, how did I find your blog? Well...

    ...was lookin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.

    Hmm...a blogbot, might be an idea in there somewhere.

    By Blogger Ismund, at 5:27 PM  

  • a blogbot! I'll be expecting something like that in the near future.


    By Blogger DenDude, at 6:01 PM  

  • All your Base belongs to me.

    By Anonymous Blog Bot, at 3:55 AM  

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